What a long strange trip it’s been. Can’t believe I am quoting the Grateful Dead. I am not even a fan. That quote just resonates for me right now.
*drum roll*
I’ve finally decided to listen to my inner voice and shut all things cheese down.
Let me tell you about it: I’ve been trying to pound that voice down since it started talking to me last December. I quit Eddie Bauer and figured that I would just jump right in where I left off with WeatherVane Creamery. Except that the motivation that drove me from waking to sleeping every day for over three years was suddenly, loudly absent. LOUDLY.
I was wondering to myself what the hell happened? I didn’t recognize myself. I was shocked and in denial. How could this be? I went on medication. I had a shaman entity removal (really!). I left my leadership position at Landmark Worldwide citing well-being issues. I went to a community healing event looking for answers. I tried to give myself the space to work though the dead space that WeatherVane Creamery once inhabited. I had investors. One of them wanted their money back despite the legal agreement that they had agreed to.
*sigh*
Then one day I read an article on entrepreneurial partnerships (thanks, Mark Ritzinger for all the business magazine subscriptions!) and I thought “That’s perfect- I just need a partner to pull me through this phase and then I can pull them through when they need it.” So, I enlisted my friend Joe (who is also officiating my wedding). He agreed and we moved forward with www.cheesehustler.com to start generating income for both WeatherVane Creamery’s investors, WeatherVane Creamery’s future, and for ourselves. Oh, and for fun.
When creating the business plan for WeatherVane Creamery, e-commerce was always in there. And social media always played a big role for WeatherVane Creamery from the beginning. The reason we didn’t sell cheese under the WVC name was because I wanted to break out from the restrictions of being family-friendly. I wanted to create a marketplace that brought cheese to a new generation- our generation. Inspirations include Voodoo Donut and John Fluevog. Joe and I both read Gary Vaynerchuck’s book “Jab Jab Jab Right Hook”. I was noticing that Marie Forleo, Gary V, and Patty from Millionaire Matchmaker were all from New Jersey and they all expressed themselves in a way that I admired. I wanted to be fully expressed in my opinions and swear and all that good stuff. Anyway, I wasn’t feeling fun or self expressed and it had nothing to do with Joe and everything about that nagging void. I started to resent social media. Without my natural passion for this project, it felt fake, like an obligation, and a manipulation of the masses.
In the meantime, I took care of all of my investors. And when I say that I mean that I had meetings with all of them and created terms of repayment that I made sure everyone was satisfied with. I spoke about www.cheesehustler.com as a gateway for WeatherVane Creamery to emerge out of when the time came. WVC was going to take longer than originally planned. Instead of a one year plan, it could be a five year plan. I looked at the real estate for WVC in River Falls and speculated on the current Foster Sports location that I was hoping would come open when WVC was ready for it. I met with Craig Foster and heard about his future plans for his business and asked about his landlord. Would the planets align in the future? For some reason that seemed like something worth holding out on. And I couldn’t see any other possible location in town working like that one was. As my dad would say, I was married to that one idea.
And Joe and I half-heartedly started working through our summer calendars to sell cheese and promote www.cheesehustler.com at art fairs and festivals. I pulled money out of my personal tax account thinking that the write offs from the sales would justify it. We made lists of things that needed to be done. We inquired with events and I had sent a reservation check to one only to get rejected. In the past, I would have tirelessly pushed and efforted my way in to fill up my summer calendar no matter how small, far away, or inappropriate the events were. Now, I just lost my steam hardly before anything got started. Joe and I weren’t holding our meetings or deadlines. Weddings and charity events were popping up threatening my drive further to fill them with www.cheesehustler.com selling fairs. Our first weekend of selling was looming and we didn’t have our shit together.
So, what was the final blow to the nail? I started to notice my body aches and recently I have been quick to anger. For example, the other night as we were drifting to sleep Bill says to me “I just want you to know how much I love you” and I got a flash of red as I was thinking to myself exasperatedly “I was ALMOST to sleep!!!!” These red flashes have been showing up off and on for the past three weeks and have been a surprise to me every time. Who is this girl?! So I went in to see my trauma therapist. It was there that I finally got real with myself that WeatherVane Creamery and all things cheese have officially lost their steam. Actually they did in December. It’s just time to start listening to myself now.
So what does that mean? Well it means facing the feelings of shame, fear, and failure. It means shutting everything down and packing the boxes. It means this public declaration. And it means continuing to make the agreed upon payments to investors. It also means that in closing this down and completing it, something else has the opportunity to take its place. I anticipate that to be the wedding and starting my new life with Bill. We both have very big short term goals for this year. We both work for The Handyman Can!!! Inc growing that business. Bill has the opportunity to become a part owner. I am a very large part of the success of that business. I am taking a stock market class in LA in a few weeks. Bill and I are working towards a life where we can have travel, adventure, and prosperity.
There are a few more blog posts. And then, moving on.